77 Wars

so, i looked into the history of friday the 13th and it seems as though no real significant event brought it on. some have speculated that the destruction of the “knights templar”, which was initiated on october 13th, 1307, was the trigger, but the absence of any reference to “friday the 13th” for 600 years of history and the fact that it is a somewhat obscure event has pretty much shot that one down.

it seems that the negative association a lot of societies have with the number 13 are not from a solid source either. some speculate that since judah was the last to sit down at the last supper (making him the 13th guest at the table) made it an unlucky number among christians. the greeks consider the number 13 lucky, but only on it’s own. and because the unimaginable happened when constantinople fell to the turks on a tuesday, the greeks have believed since then that tuesday is the unluckiest day of the week and for some reason a tuesday the thirteenth is considered very unlucky in greek culture. there is a ton of this shit to sift through… but what it boils down to is this…

it’s fuckin’ bullshit. just like christmas, medicare and democracy. so get over it. you want unlucky? you know where we’ll all be in a hundred years? yep. dead.

happy friday the 13th.

oh yeah… check out this wired magazine look back to the blackout in new york on july 13th, 1977, when i was a wee six month old baby… http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/multimedia/2007/07/gallery_dayintech_0713

i don’t know all of the tedious details and events surrounding this dude, nor do i really care, but to sum it up, he’s a professional football player who has been suspended from the league for a minimum of half of the next season in connection with investigations into his ties to nightclub violence, drunk driving, unlicensed driving and some sort of coercion, maybe attempted murder as well, but apparently there is no sure evidence that he incited the violence that paralyzed one guy who just happened to be working at the wrong time. he has pending legal trouble with court dates set in three different states on completely different sets of charges.

so i find it awfully amusing that his lawyer publicly complained about how his client was charged with tag swapping for having the wrong tags on the license plate of his orange lamborghini.

maybe it ’s good to remember sometimes that this kind of behavior is everywhere. it could help keep our expectations as low as they should be.

and with that said… a friend of mine passed along this quote to me…

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. - george carlin

well, after a dismal first couple of days of free-agency, the kings have been steadily making up for it and today was no different. we signed lubomir visnovsky to a five-year extension. this is what we need, we drafted this guy and it looks as though he may play his entire career here in los angeles. he has averaged 70 games a year over his career and has contributed greatly, every year, to our power play and is a solid, scoring defenseman that’s averaged about 40 points a season after having his best year last season.

still, the clock is ticking and our goaltender situation remains unclear, but i’m gaining back some of my blind faith in team management.

well, i guess i’ll have a lot of time to kill before the season opens at the end of september. ben? you out there? you’d better get your ass in gear and get that nhl center ice package so we can watch all the games… and you may want to consider getting a couple of extra televisions for multiple game action.

with a big nod of appreciation to my friend j frede, i am posting this observation. j writes a blog about all the weird shit and accidents he sees while commuting to work on his mtorcycle and it’s got me thinking about the things i see when i’m out there on the road…

last week, heading north on vermont through the main strip of los feliz, about 100 feet ahead of me, this idiot in a pt cruiser comes west, screaming around the corner of melbourne onto vermont at about 35 miles an hour without seeming to slow for the stop sign. luckily, the driver was not half a second later or otherwise would have absolutely annihilated a south-bound 20-something year old  man on a bicycle.
i was shocked and pissed and i saw the guy on the bike looking dazed for a second in my rear view mirror before watching him make a wide loop and turn his bike around.
all of a sudden that guy was furiously powering that bike north bound as fast as it would go and i as i pulled into the post office driveway, i stopped and turned around to see the pt cruiser come to a stop at the red light on franklin.
in no time at all the guy on the bike stopped his bike at that car, and though i couldn’t hear what he was saying as he pounded on that driver’s side window, i couldn’t help but feel just a little bit of justice and pride for all of us who guide our two-wheeled vehicles through the streets of this city with the specter of death looming around out there watching us.

 ok, so i’m not a big buffalo fan, but this is just an awesome hockey moment (or five minutes, whatever). it reminds of how great hockey can be and if you don’t get it, it’s ok, but for me, this kind of stuff makes the hair on my neck stand up. it’s one of my true loves and (as much as i love my dodgers that play about a half a mile from my home) the only sport that matters…

so the kings didn’t pick up drury, but we got some solid guys… guys who’ll make our team better ( i guess it’s not hard to do right now) and keep us in contention to win more games. these guys might not be the best scorers in the league by any means, but they all play hard-nosed, gritty hockey like the role players lombardi had brought into the sharks organization when he was there. I BELIEVE… i know about two hours ago i was talking a lot of shit and i’m still very concerned (number one issue still is, of course, goaltending. remember guys, we still have dan ‘ the 3.1 million dollar piece of fucking worthless shit ass cock dick balls skank cum stain’ cloutier) but lombardi built san jose into a contender and my hopes are still high for us.
we can solidify our farm system pretty easily because it isn’t half as bad as our nhl team is! and if we can find a goaltender (or even keep burke maybe) that doesn’t let every other puck by like dan ‘3.1 m.d.p.o.f.w.s.a.c.d.b.s.c.s. cloutier, then maybe we can actually make the post-season this year. though, i would have to guess that at this point, even if we got into the playoffs this year, we’d be lucky to win one round. well, waiting around to see what happens now is a lot easier after that good news… oh yeah, if you didn’t hear, then i should tell you…

the guys we got today are handzus (chicago), nagy (dallas), calder (detroit) and preissing (ottowa). preissing is a solid d-man who can definitely help out with some points ( 7G and 31A ) and also be effective on the power play ( 3PPG and 15PPA ) so it’ll be awesome to have him and visnovsky out there on the power play.

let’s see what jack johnson can do and maybe blake will actually try to play some nhl level hockey this season.

we allowed 283 goals (fifth most nhl) and only scroed 227 (21st overall). we were outscored by 56 goals overall (and when you look at a team like detroit they scored 55 MORE goals than they allowed) so our d has to be better this season (and, can i stress enough… our goaltending!!! jesus christ, why did we let cloutier keep playing, imagine if he never got injured?! we would have probably finished dead last. here’s a stat for you… cloutier played 25 percent of our minutes while allowing 30 percent of our goals and garon played 36 percent of our minutes while allowing 27 percent of our goals and burke was more on target for average by allowing 24 percent of our goals having played 26 percent of our minutes.)
so forwards… well, we’ll see, handzus has scored 300 points in 517 games, which is not bad, so hopefully he’ll have a good season and score maybe 20 goals and 30 assists, but i may be pushing it bit considering how awful people play in l.a., but it’s been a while since we’ve had a solid core, and these four guys stiffened up our core considerably today.

not bad for a sweltering and humid july afternoon in los angeles.

and as for the rest of the hockey world…

the rangers are looking good after having signed drury and gomez to long-term deals, they will definitely be a great team to watch this season.

the pens picked up sykora and sydor after earlier re-signing roberts and recchi. and with gonchar already blue lining, signing whitney to a six year contract and of course retaining the services of staal, malkin and crosby, the penguins are simply gonna kick some major ass. it’s exciting to see the pens and rangers back in it after spending so long out of it. it’s great for hockey.

but on the other hand, bert and schneider signing with anaheim SUCKS. i hate anaheim, i think anyone who plays for them is an idiot and the ducks just existing in the nhl makes a huge ugly scar on hockey’s otherwise beautiful self. hopefully detroit can pick up a couple more solid guys on d and maybe a 20 goal scorer and this time they better not screw it up and they should beat the ducks in the third round should anaheim makes it that far again. which worries me. hopefully salami and petermyer just go away and retire. boo anaheim. boooooooo.

kariya on the blues? whatever. like tkachuk is gonna save that team. is legace still tending their sorry net? (look who’s talking though).

drury to the avs? another big who cares. except i really really really wanted him in los angeles. but the avs are stuck with a crappy goaltender situation and they won’t be that much better because of this signing.

briere to philly… philly is gonna be this years penguins. from worst to, well, not first for sure, but they have a real solid chance to make the playoffs and not be the league toilet this season.

jason blake to leafs… good for them. they still won’t be winning the cup this year, but a litte help for sundin to ease the pressure of scoring is great.

edmonton…? they are screwed. kevin lowe is gonna get his sorry ass fired this year and even that won’t stop the bleeding. i like edmonton and i wish them well, i like lowe too, though he’s done some pretty curious (stupid) things these last few months, but sorry oiler nation, this is just gonna be another really sad year for you.

alright people, that’s it. hopefully next time i write about hockey, it’s to tell you that the kings signed souray. but let’s not hold our breath lest we pass out or die or something.

GO KINGS!

   well, of course, i may be biased. but, come on now, these people really are parasites. they do not serve the community in a commendable fashion. now you may say, hey, these guys do their jobs, but so did the german military officers during world war II.

come on nick, comparing parking police to nazis you ask? well, i’ll tell you, it’s because i hate those guys. i hear about the violence that is perpetrated upon the ‘meter maids’ and i’ll also tell you this… i have no sympathy. none.

i do not condone or recommend a violent course of action, but these guys know what they’re doing.  they don’t save lives, put out fires or rescue cats from trees. these low-lifes earn a paycheck by issuing extremely expensive citations to mostly just us normal people who have a hard enough time paying regular bills. applying for and accepting this job means that these people actually WANTED to have this job, which, among other things, makes them total and complete douchebags.

screw parking enforcement. i don’t get all huffy and angry at these guys when i see them, i just remind them of what us normal joes think of their trade.

last time i got a parking ticket, my meter had expired while i was dropping off a job application. i told the guy this info, telling him i was dead broke, ya know? have a little sympathy? but that piece of shit just handed me the ticket. i asked him if it feels good to hand out parking tickets and earn his living like that and he said, “no, of course it doesn’t feel good.” i told him that he was a parasite and to enjoy the rest of his miserable life. i fully support calmly telling every parking enforcement officer that you see that you think they are scum, parasites, leaches or some other kind of degenerate, blood-sucking life-form.
what’s that you say? irrational? it’s a necessary job? well, so is cleaning a toilet bowl, but i’ve cleaned toilet bowls and you know what? everybody fricking loves it! i mean, who doesn’t like to crap in a clean toilet?

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oh yeah, thought you might want to know that in 2005 the los angeles department of transportation [ l.a.d.o.t. ] generated $115,632,000 via parking citations alone. the department itself [ Los Angeles Department of Transportation Chief Analyst Robert Andalon told KOVR-TV ] has admitted that during a regular day of issuing 10,000-12,000 citations, that 100-150 of them are issued accidentally to completely innocent motorists. imagine trying to tell the l.a.d.o.t. that you were given a ticket by mistake.

   if you have not seen this video, you are missing out. of course, if you do not care about star wars my standard disclaimer applies (you are an idiot). though you can redeem your worthless soul by watching this video and enjoying the hell out of it
the link below will take you to the adult swim page where you can view this in 5 parts and it is totally worth the 20 minutes of sitting here in front of your computer. this is especially true if you happen to be at work…

http://www.adultswim.com/shows/robotchicken/stuff/rcsw/

   well, sure george bush has a huge lead in this category, but at least in sports kobe is my number one pick for sure.

what’s wrong with this guy? first he escapes as unscathed as one very famous man can from a public rape trial where they determine, in the court of public opinion, that his only crime was cheating on his wife. but then after he is blamed for the ouster of shaquille oneal and  phil jackson leaving town (albeit, some credit him with helping to bring phil back), he is kicked down another rung or two on the respectometer.

he regained his scoring touch and had everybody fooled for a short time with a stack of assists. his stock went back up. he wanted us to believe that he had changed and matured. that he had found out what it takes to be a leader. tried to make us think that he was ready to pass up on trying for the scoring title by passing the ball more and being patient. i thought, man, he had a rough time, but he’s learned and that’s all we can ask of anyone. ya know?

but what have we learned now? i’ll tell you what… kobe sucks, man.

he may be a top five guy as an individual, but he has proven to be a team destroyer ever since our beloved shaq left town. some guys have hated him all along. i wanted to believe that he had turned a new leaf and that the lakers could be contenders again with kobe in the mix, but he’s a natural loser.

he wants to be traded because we all know now who he is. but nowhere in the nba is there a place where the fans don’t know he’s a poison pill. i hope we keep him, just so he can suffer through two more losing seasons right in his prime. and if he thought the booing was bad the last couple of years, he’d just better be ready to hear it loud all season long starting this fall… and it won’t only be on the road anymore.

well, there’s something screwy going on with our publishing program, so the new posts have been held up due to this latest technical difficulty. anyways, if i find the right pixel to click on, i can find the links i need to get this stuff up for you guys. so this is our first quiz…

click the icon below the phrase that describes you best:

A: i love shellac.

B: i am an idiot.