77 Wars

i wanted to turn it off before it was over but i couldn’t. there were two minutes left in the game with the ducks ahead 6-2 and there was still a little part of me that believed ottawa could do it. that they could score 4 goals in some kind of miracle. but even as that hope died and the clock started to tick off the last few seconds i kept watching.

i watched the bench clear and i watched all of the anaheim players pile on giguere and celebrate. i was surprised by my lack of emotion. in case you hadn’t noticed, i hate anaheim. i detest chris pronger and brad may the most for being such dirty players, but most of that line-up i have very little respect for. i also can’t tolerate the ducks’ fans and now this will make them more disgusting. they will talk about winning a cup and that is real and tangible.

it kind of feels like something broke in my brain, but watching the trophies handed out i think, somehow stopped me from being depressed. it just kind of made it definite. no questions. if i had turned it off, i’d still be thinking about it i suppose.

it had felt like the ducks winning would be the worst day of my life, but it’s not so bad right now. hockey is over and so for three months, i can breathe easy and not be distracted by sports too much and hope that the kings can get back to being a playoff team(though, i’ve become a pretty huge dodgers fan having grown up in l.a. my whole life and especially now that i’ve lived in walking distance of the stadium for the last four years). i can hope that we will sign a real goaltender and that we’ll sign some amazing, clutch goal scorer to a 5-year contract (please please please sign chris drury to our team dean lombardi), while picking up some more solid front-end support . i can hope that we solidify our already pretty good defense and hold on to all of our young prospects. i can wait for us to build through our farm system, but we’d better start seeing something smarter than signing dan ‘fucking piece of shit’ cloutier to a 2-year, 6.2 million dollar contract.

i can also hope that good things come from the 22 picks we have for this years and next year’s drafts.

i’m surprised. i thought that an anaheim championship would’ve been followed immediately by locusts and floods, but it looks like the worst we’ll have to suffer is from a bunch of fucking idiot ducks fans who don’t know shit about hockey thinking that they are special. but what can we say to them? they’re obviously too stupid to reason with. so they won a stanley cup. maybe some kind of congratulations are in order here, but you know what? fuck anaheim.

we search and dig and pray for delivery. we pay homage at our belt- or direct-drive altars. we attempt to rendezvous with our scrolls, sometimes at any cost, even if it means having them shipped from japan or france. and is it worth it?

you’re damned right it is.

in ways it is better and worse than being a junkie. of course, sometimes it feels exactly like what i would imagine being a junkie feels like. just over a month ago i came across sepultura’s album ‘chaos a.d.‘ at amoeba, it was a 180 gram re-issue from roadrunner records. i still have unpaid bills nagging me, but i had to spend the 20 bucks on that one, not knowing if i’d see it again. it has been one of my favorite records since high school and i hadn’t actually listened to it in a long time because my cd copy is pretty scratched up.

unlike a junkie, though, i brought it home and placed it with my other records and i didn’t listen to it until yesterday. in this way, it was a religious experience for me. i wasn’t feeling ready to listen to it, so i set it aside. and then yesterday with no particular reason or much excitement i unwrapped the record, cleaned my turntable, beat the dust out of my slipmat, carefully set the record on the platter, hit the start button and then gently put the needle down on the outside edge of the record. i just knew it was time… and that record sounded better than i had remembered.

my best friend, ben, will sit at home sometimes in his chair, smoking his hookah with a flavored tobacco, listening to records with his eyes closed. i spend time like this at home, meditating on the music, only listening and noting all of the individual sounds, sometimes hearing an instrument that i hadn’t noticed before in the background or doubling on a vocal. sometimes we hang out together and just listen to records.

occasionally i go out and i see some guy dj’ing on his ipods and i am completely put off. there is something so wrong about it to me. it’s just probably that at 30, i’m already old in a lot of ways. i’m probably going to get a new job next week and i kind of hate that i’m going to need to get one of those e-mail phones, some kind of blackberry or sidekick or something. to have to search and sweat to find a record is so gratifying to me. when i see a guy putting on a record, i know that it’s pretty much certain that he really gives a shit about that record. when some other guy pushes a button to play a track he might not even know the name of, it just doesn’t inspire me to listen (not to mention the compression issue).

as is the case, i imagine, amongst jesus’ faithful and the junkies, there is usually a sense of brotherhood. vinyl collectors share an uncommon passion for music, even when they like really shitty music. when i find a certain record, sometimes i have to call up ben or jason to tell them or i’ll ask if they want me to pick up this copy of something i thought they were looking for. and it feels great to be walking down the street and answer my phone and hear ben tell me that he ordered 2 copies of the new sunn/boris lp from southern lord records, one for me, because he was sure that i’d want to buy one.

last night, my friend jason and i were out playing records at this bar in downtown. sometimes he’ll play a record, let’s just say the kinks, and then i’ll play a van halen cover of a kinks song. or we’ll try to play records from the same producer or bands that share members or have a similar name. and you gotta look at the record, see how much time you have and then find the next one to play… thinking, maybe of the theme you were working on or a song that has the same drum beat but you just can’t remember what band it is. it’s these types of things that digital dj’s don’t seem to have going on. maybe i hate it because i just can’t imagine having any fun playing between two ipods.

but looking through all three or four thousand records in the rock section at amoeba? that i can do. err, have done. and it’s great.

anyways, i’m typing into an online publishing program as i rant about hating new technology. but, fuck it, i can embrace and hate it all at the same time. now… i’m gonna go put that sepultura record on again.

4 miles today. it’s been six weeks since stephen and i started training for this marathon, but today was only the second weekly meeting of the official training group for aids project los angeles. we felt good. we did a bunch of push-ups. stephen could barely eek out three push-ups in a row when we started and today he did ten at a time. i got up to 25 in a set from a start of about 10. we’re training in a 13 minute-mile group on saturdays, but we plan on training ourselves to run harder than that when we work out on our own. we’ve been learning more about different kinds of exercises and what the best kinds of foods are for us during this regimen.

it feels great to have made it this far without feeling a lack of motivation. we’ve missed some days of training here and there, but the minimum we’ve done in a week is probably three work out days, while averaging about 4-5.

leg muscle mass has greatly increased, while we’ve noticed a decline in love handle action as well as in the man boob department. arm muscle mass has increased in the bicep/tricep area as well as some slightly noticeable difference in the chest area. soon enough we will post pictures from our start up to our current point, but it won’t be for at least another two weeks so that we can actually see the difference starting to be more obvious. another thing that feels great about all of this is the severe decline of ‘jiggle’. anyone who’s ever had a few extra pounds knows how absolutely wonderful it is to have parts jiggling all over the place and so, to have it stop in any area is great… the thigh jiggle factor is at about zero and the arms are close by… of course the belly issues are still hanging around, so to speak, but we’re working and sweating that all away a little at a time.

as far as weight, i’ve lost about 4 pounds and stephen actually gained weight, but muscle is more dense and heavier than fat, so this may be what is responsible. of course, overall health and strength outweigh the weight factor for us.

stephen purchased a body fat measuring scale and so we will have another number to look at soon, though it would have been great to see where we had started.

our main goal is to finish the marathon that we are training for and we are determined. for me, it may be the most determined i’ve been about any project so far in my life. of course, physical appearance isn’t the main point of concentration, so to that end we’ve been greatly successful, for our primary goal is to build endurance.

i’m proud of us and happy that we combined some different things we had talked about with goals of ours and we are achieving those goals everyday, a little bit at a time. stephen wanted to do some community work and meet people outside of our social circle and we both wanted to get healthier. when the idea of the marathon came up, i was immediately in. stephen had his apprehensions, which is not by any means bad or some kind of weakness. he wanted to be sure he felt a commitment for himself and that, if we were going to invest ourselves into this together, i was serious about following through. we’ve become better friends for it and i couldn’t think of anyone else i’d rather do this marathon with.

more to come.

so… with all of the training and waking up early for the marathon preparation going on, staying up late is not something i look forward too much these days. but, this past friday night my training partner, stephen, and i decided to stay up late (12:30) to watch ‘logan’s run‘.

bad idea. i know that some of these old movies are loved for their cheesiness or kitch factors, but those are not qualities i admire in films. if it’s supposed to be stupid, i’d rather watch a will farell movie or something like that. this movie is as bad as the lead actor, micheal york. it seemed as though he was reading his lines as the movie was being made and the effects were terrible, especially considering it was made a year before ’star wars’ and way after a bunch of other great sci-fi.

anyways… i’ve written more than i meant to on the subject, but i felt like ranting because i felt cheated out of time i could have spent sleeping.

i give it a zero star rating because it suck, suck, SUCKED!

this is an excerpt from an a.p. article on espn.com…

ST. LOUIS — The father of Josh Hancock filed suit Thursday, claiming a restaurant provided drinks to the St. Louis Cardinals relief pitcher even though he was intoxicated prior to the crash that killed him.

The suit, filed in St. Louis Circuit Court by Dean Hancock of Tupelo, Miss., does not specify damages. Mike Shannon’s Restaurant, owned by the longtime Cardinals broadcaster who starred on three World Series teams in the 1960s, is a defendant in the case along with Shannon’s daughter, Patricia Shannon Van Matre, the restaurant manager.

Other defendants include Eddie’s Towing, the company whose flatbed tow truck was struck by Hancock’s sport utility vehicle in the early hours of April 29; tow truck driver Jacob Edward Hargrove; and Justin Tolar, the driver whose stalled car on Interstate 64 was being assisted by Hargrove.

The Cardinals and Major League Baseball were not listed as defendants.

Authorities said the 29-year pitcher had a blood alcohol content of nearly twice the legal limit when he crashed into the back of the tow truck. He was also speeding and using a cell phone and wasn’t wearing a seat belt, police chief Joe Mokwa said after the accident. Marijuana was also found in the SUV.

[read the rest of this article at http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2881602]

—

it’s a sad story almost any time that someone dies. this is no exception, regardless of the circumstances surrounding the death. but the thing that got me pissed here is that this guy’s father is suing the restaurant his son got drunk at, the driver of the tow truck his drunk/stoned son hit and the guy who’s car was stalled on the interstate.

this is one of those times where i know that i am preaching to the choir, but i’m gonna do it anyways. can this really just be a way to make a buck? unless this guy really believes these people are at fault and he donates any money he gains from it to charity, then i would have to believe this guy is trying to rake it in on his son dying. when you take to the wheel after getting drunk and stoned, talking on your cell phone with no seatbelt on and you crash into another vehicle parked on the roadside… well, it’s kind of hard to blame anyone else. his father should just be thankful that no one else was hurt or killed.

most adults have driven drunk at one time or another, and i have to say that in the past i was guilty of driving home when i probably shouldn’t have… but i always try to remind people that it’s not you that you should worry about… what if you kill someone? what if you kill somebody’s husband? or daughter? or mom? remember that the next time you think that you’re ok to drive. it’s something i do not feel good about having done, but it is in my past now and that is where that kind of action will stay for me.

it sure isn’t as convenient to call a cab or try to get a ride and leave your car somewhere overnight, but it sure as fuck won’t be something you’ll regret for the rest of eternity. think about it for a while. if you drive drunk, you could make the worst possible mistake of your life and there will be terribly depressed people left behind that will never forgive you. and you would probably be one them.

even though the audio is fake, it’s still scary as hell and i’m not sure any of it is really fiction…

these are not your traditional type of tacos, but they are the best around. most of the ingredients are from trader joe’s, but i like to get my produce from the local asian grocer (a-1 grocery means cheaper! though it kind of smells bad in there) or one of the farmer’s markets (organic is nice). anyways… here it goes…

you’ll need (for two people)…

• two cans black beans (at trader joe’s i get the blue label cans)
• some corn or flour tortillas (i prefer the really thick ‘handmade’ ones)
• sour cream
• one large or two small tomatoes
• an avocado (optional for non-californians)
• one small red onion or half large
• cilantro
• sea salt
• garlic (use it fresh! four to eight large cloves, slice them about thick as a penny)
• sesame oil (safflower as an alternative, never cook olive oil! the type of oil you use to cook is a very important choice. most canola oils are from genetically modified organisms (gmo’s). also, some oils, like olive oil, break down and become very bad for you when heated. in my opinion, your best bet is a cold-pressed safflower oil. sesame is very good too and i use it here because it adds great flavor!)
• lime (also optional)
• fresh peppers of your choice or hot sauce (optional for the dainty palette)
• one six-pack of tecate (optional, i guess)

crack open a tecate. take a sip… enojoy it (just don’t get wasted and drive your car). heat a medium sized pan with a little sesame oil. when it’s hot, add your freshly sliced garlic and a little salt. when the garlic is lightly browned, add the beans (don’t drain them) and let them simmer on low heat for a little while. no need to cover them, i prefer to let them simmer for about 10 minutes or longer to evaporate some of the liquid and really get all that flavor in there.

while your beans are simmering you may need to have another beer. chop the red onion into small pieces and throw them into a bowl. next, cut up the tomato and put it into the bowl as well, being careful to get as much of the juice in that bowl as is possible. mince up a good chunk of cilantro and add it to the bowl as well. cut the avocado up into cubes and mix it up in the bowl with sea salt to taste. if you are using fresh peppers, cut them up however you like and add them to what you just made. mix again.

heat your tortillas (i like to heat them open flame on my range, but use tongs if you don’t like to burn yourself. i just slightly burn them because i like that flavor and the light crispiness the tortillas get). turn off the flame under the beans (this helps prevent a house fire later on). lay a tortilla in a plate. put some beans on it. squeeze a little lime on there if you like. add a little sour cream (or a lot), some of the guacamole/salsa mixture and repeat.

this recipe will probably make your girlfriend really happy and if she is worthy, you can watch the dodgers game together while you eat. of course, sometimes eating outside on the stoop is the best, though you may need to get more beer to share with your neighbors. unless they are total assholes or giants fans (actually i’m friends with one giants fan, but we’re not best buddies or anything). or even worse… ducks fans. i can respect a hockey fan from any team except for that one.

my brother, russell wrote this recently…

Have you ever slowed down enough to watch yourself make your morning cup of coffee?

I had the opportunity when I was sitting in an MD-80 Jet bound for Spokane, Washington. I was listening to a mixed CD I picked up in Sedona, AZ at a Thai Restaurant, of all places, from our waiter by day DJ by night.

I was listening and enjoying my quiet mind time between two strangers sharing my row. The attendant placed the cup in front of me…nothing new…coffee, 2 sugars, 2 creamers and a stirrer. It was in the moment when I reached for the cup that I noticed my hand and everything else slowed down. I watched my hand slowly grab the cup and as I tilted it back to look in, my eyes were pulled into the steaming black gold, gleaming and holding my face in its reflection. I reached for one of the creamers and pulled back the foil lid gently and slowly poured the creamy white dominator into the center of my cup. Swirling, the creamer’s pattern; before my eyes I watched the coffee quickly lose its beautiful brown significance. Now I could have employed more patience, taking this experience to the next level, in ripping open my two packets of sugar…but I didn’t…since I enjoy far more the experience of the tandem tearing of the two packets, simultaneously at the ready to sweeten my grail of morning power. As I poured the sugar I watched the creamy gold fold over and over the tiny diving grains of delight.

I pulled back the second lid of cream…now this can be an optional addition…but in this moment I could not pass up on the experience. This time round the cream rested a bit on the top of the cream laden coffee creating psychedelic swirls that slowly disappeared into the creamy brown sea. My grail was almost complete, ready for me to enjoy. All that was left was to insert my stirrer and counter clockwise work my soldier of equality until I felt assured that the taste would be perfect. Oh and it was! Hot, smooth aromatic; could this be had from a cup of Seattle’s best on a plane poured from a happy steward? It was on this day in May, high above in the friendly skies in seat 27B. mmmmmm!

this was a response i forwarded regarding an article posted on msnbc.com…

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18595886/

i consider myself a fairly healthy individual. i stay away from refined sugars, bleached flours, coffee and almost anything artificial. most of my diet is made up of vegetables, whole grains and legumes. i eat meat infrequently and in the last year or so have started to avoid drinking alcohol. about three years ago i did the master cleanse for just over a week and i felt great. i didn’t spend a long time in the bathroom and found myself having a lot of extra time during those few days. my energy levels were balanced and i worked most of those days, sometimes for fourteen hours. after it was over, i found that i had almost reset my eating behaviour. i didn’t eat meat or anything fried for months after and i think it was two months before i even had a glass of wine.

tongue color and texture is a good sign of health and i had the cleanest pinkest looking tongue i had ever seen and my eyes were as white as could be. for me, the experience was a positive one and i have to wonder if these doctors have even attempted something like the master cleanse or have they just analyzed it by text? historically, western medicine has been, quite often, very close-minded and wrong about about judging eastern ideas. while this particular philosophy, the master cleanse, comes from a western mind, it is no doubt inspired by old traditions. just because it is old, doesn’t mean it is right, or has value, but where was acupuncture 20 years ago? now major medical insurance companies are willing to pay for it because it can be very effective.

it’s funny, people go crazy for the atkins diet because they can eat sausages all day long, but when it comes to fasting, the fattest of all nations seems to get skeptical. no, fasting is not the end-all, be-all fix for our bodies, but it is something that can aid a healthy life-style and add discipline to an area where america seems to need it most. from our love of low-mileage gas guzzlers to the tables of the local claim jumpers restaurant, it is clearly obvious that we are a people addicted to consumption. in a way, fasting seems, to me, to possibly be a way for people to escape that mentality.

seriously, i have no idea who these bands are, but it’s free. my friend ted and i and are playing the records before and between sets. 1/2 price beer, free door, 1/2 price food before 9pm. ok? ok. come get wasted god damnit. Map of 5214 W Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90027

i will list the playlist and band reviews sometime tomorrow. maybe tonight if i’m not too sleepy/inebriated.

well… the bands were all terrible except for naughty bird. otherwise it was a 20 year-old emo fest. not what we had expected. as for the playlist… not important at this point. ted and i had fun and got pretty drunk. then i went with my girlfriend and my friend stephen to the shortstop. we got more drunk. i got super drunk and was telling people to shut up, but not in a funny way. i think, perhaps, i should stop drinking large amounts of hard liqour…