77 Wars

number one: ok, so people think i’m crazy or an idiot, but i did not know who fuckin micheal bay was.

number two: do not go see this movie. do not ever go to see this movie. do not ever rent this movie. do not ever watch this movie for free. do not ever let anyone pay you to watch this movie. remember godzilla 2000? yeah, that bad. did you see broken flowers? this was actually worse than broken flowers. WORSE. yes, worse.

number three: if you continue to read i must issue here a SPOILER WARNING. because i will tell you that this piece of shit has no real plot. as far as i can tell it was made by the people who brought us fox television and it’s a promotion for general motors full line of vehicles, nokia, ebay, avril levine and linkin park, or they’re equivalents.

how can i even begin to tell you what a complete piece of shit this movie is? it’s actually a story about some dorky guy who’s had a long-time crush on some hot girl. the girl is in with the jock/popular crowd, but turned off by them being so jock-ish. eventually this dorky kid turns out to be a hero and then he gets to bang this chick. oh yeah, there are robots that fight each other, but this dorky guy’s parents have more speaking parts than the entire cast of robots. and of course the hot chick knows everything about fixing and stealing cars. so it’s kind of like weird science mixed with some orange county garbage about meaningless, crazy car scenes mixed with the most terrible script. no, that doesn’t quite fit, but i’m gonna move on, finish saying what i have to say and go to bed.

so…the robots themselves have no sort of similarities (except optimus prime) to the transformer series or original movie. the story line is completely not there at all. i feel nauseas.

well, enough.

FUCK MICHEAL BAY. i would throw a party for a week if he fuckin died. maybe i’d shit on his grave. that’s right, it’s that bad. i had never seen any of his movies, but how appropriate for this to be the first.

I had low expectations, but you have to understand… i know that the transformers story and series wasn’t written anywhere near as well written as robotech or a lot of other good shit out there, but as a kid it was my favorite fucking thing ever.

when i was seven years old and i went to see transformers: the movie in 1984, i fucking cried when optimus prime died. i cried, i remembered that my brother (eight years older) told me not to be such a pussy, but i told him to fuck off. he also called the decepticons the decepticondoms, which i wasn’t sure about, but i knew he meant it in a bad way and that pissed me off too.

but anyways, i expected this movie to be bad, but… but, my friends didn’t seem to understand, maybe it’s because i haven’t been seeing many movies or tv shows, but this movie made me feel horrible about life, about my life, about the universe and all of existence.

micheal bay? fuck you. fuck you in your stupid fucking ass.

so i heard about this movie called “killing michael bay” and so i looked it up. it’s not that good either, but somehow i feel better knowing that there are so many other people out there that hate this guy that i didn’t know i hated until about three hours ago. so watch it if you like, it’s below.